Squeeze
by whiteswan
Summary: S8 AU, inspired by the CM 2012 ComicCon video. Alex witnesses one of the BAU's unofficial protocols for the first time...though the method of executing it surprises everyone. Dedicated to the members of the FB JJ/Hotch Safe Haven, in thanks for a memorable conversation.


Disclaimer: As always, I do not own Criminal Minds, nor do I profit from writing this. Personal enjoyment and reviews are my only rewards.

Note: This was inspired by the Criminal Minds cast's 2012 ComicCon video; AJ Cook and Thomas Gibson's antics during the photo shoot inspired this fic. The link to the video is available on my profile. The fic itself is dedicated to the members of the FB JJ/Hotch Safe Haven, as thanks for a highly memorable conversation! S8 AU; the S7 finale did NOT end in a wedding.

SSA Alexandra Blake, newly returned to the BAU and wondering why the hell she'd decided to come back, looked around the conference room in despair. It was one of those cases where almost everything that could go wrong seemed to be happening: eight missing kids between the ages of six and eight, (no bodies yet, thank God, the only silver lining in this case so far!) a politically ambitious police chief who'd clearly only called the team in under pressure from above and resented their presence, uncooperative witnesses, (understandably) frantic family members, intrusive media and scant enough physical evidence that the team was having trouble building more than a general profile. Not to mention that if the UNSUB kept to pattern, another kid was going to disappear within the next twelve hours. She rose to her feet, crossed over to the room's window and winced; and apparently, to top it all off, she was now about to witness, for the first time, the full-fledged version of the legendary SSA Aaron Hotchner temper. Thire normally calm and cool Unit Chief was in the police chief's office on the other side of the bullpen and the tension was visible in his face even through two panes of glass and from thirty feet away. This wasn't good.

She was momentarily surprised when David Rossi appeared at her side and gave voice to her thoughts, "This isn't good."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?"

"Thirty." The older man nodded at her gaping expression before calling to the blonde who was re-reading a witness statement for the fourth time, "Jayje, code red." To Alex's surprise, the younger woman immediately dropped her file and joined them, blue eyes zeroing in on Hotch immediately.

"Crap." Alex watched as her gaze darted around for a moment before she reached out to pull the cord that dropped the blinds in the room, "I'm on it. Give me the room?"

"It's all yours." Rossi gave the younger woman an encouraging pat on the shoulder as she made for the door, "Good luck."

"Thanks, I'm going to need it."

It wasn't until the door closed behind her that Alex realized that the eyes of the rest of the team were on them; Reid looked almost…scared? Morgan looked as if he was ready to dive for cover and Garcia, present via webcam, looked jittery despite being a few hundred miles away. Obviously, there was something she was missing here. "Um, Dave?"

"I'll explain later." Rossi turned to the others before going on, "Alright, clear the room for a few. Grab a coffee, grab a snack, whatever, you know the drill. Go."

Garcia disappeared from the screen a moment later without even giving one of her usual good-byes, while the other two set down files and grabbed their coats, Morgan muttering something about 'Vesuvius' as he passed her. She was so focused on making sense of that non-sequiteur that it took Rossi's hand at her elbow to steer her out of the room and to the station's break area.

"Dave, what was all that about?"

Rossi set a cup of coffee down in front of her and took a seat, 'Y'know those unofficial team protocols we used to have in the old days?"

"Of course." And not just in the old days. Since she'd been back she'd already witnessed the emergency protocols for 'Morgan taking a case personally;' 'Reid's flustered, someone bail him out;' and 'Rossi's fan club is present-restrain the Italian Stallion. She'd also seen 'a case bothered Reid, keep an eye on him in case of relapse;' 'how the hell are we out of coffee _again?' _and 'JJ needs Cheetos-and-chocolate, STAT!' "I take it this is one of those?"

"Yep. It doesn't happen often but when Hotch gets this pissed off it's best to just get out of the way."

"So why'd you send JJ in there? I thought you liked her too much to feed her to the wolves."

"You talk as if she's Little Red Riding Hood. Actually, believe it or not, she's the only one who can calm Hotch down when he gets to that level." He must have seen some doubt in her expression because he decided to elaborate, "It's been like that since she joined the unit, long before I came back from what I understand. JJ's the one who can get him to calm down with any speed and at times that ability is crucial when it comes to getting cases solved. Or at least not having some LEO's head ripped off."

Alex mulled this over as they drank their coffee; she was still learning the team's dynamics (and admittedly sticking with Reid a lot out of familiarity,) but this was something that she hadn't expected. She knew that JJ had been with the team for a while now but she and Hotch rarely worked together these days; JJ was usually paired with Morgan or Rossi in the field. And honestly, if she'd had to pick someone to calm Hotch down, Rossi would have been her first choice. But then again, there was a lot she didn't know about her teammates yet. And she was acutely aware that she needed to correct that, no matter how awkward she felt, being the new girl.

After about ten minutes Rossi glanced at his watch and got to his feet, "It should be safe now. Let's head back."

But when they reached the conference room they found the door still shut and Morgan and Reid at the door with worried expressions. Rossi looked at them and then at the pair visible through the half-closed blinds, "They're _still_ at it?"

Morgan groaned, "It's worse than we thought. I don't know what set him off to make it this bad but I don't know if even JJ can calm him down this time."

Reid frowned, "Kid cases are always the worst, for both of them. It's making them both more short-tempered than usual."

Rossi nodded in agreement, "I'm sure the ages involved aren't helping matters either." At that, Alex felt rather foolish for not remembering sooner that both Hotch and JJ had kids and that Jack was within the age range of the missing children. No wonder Hotch was on edge.

The quartet watched as the blonde profiler grabbed the Unit Chief's arm and pulled him towards her, her expression strained. They seemed to argue back and forth some more before JJ huffed out a breath and….

Outside, Reid's jaw dropped open, "Did she…"

"I think…," for once, Morgan was speechless as well.

Alex felt her eyebrows hit her hairline even as Rossi chuckled, "Yes, she did just grab his ass." And as a distraction technique, it had obviously worked too since Hotch had stopped talking and was now kissing JJ senseless.

"When the hell did they….is he really snogging her in the middle of the police station?"

"Really Morgan? Snogging? Have you been watching those British shows with Garcia again?"

"Shut up Rossi. When did this happen?"

"I'm not sure exactly when, other than that it's a relatively recent development. Sometime after the funeral, I know that much. Though, they've been working towards it for a while now. And it's about damn time if you ask me."

Alex, for her part, could only watch as the couple finally broke apart, Hotch visibly calmer. And obviously thinking more clearly now, as his eyes widened and he spun around to grab a file folder off of the table. As Rossi reached for the doorknob, Alex mused that quite obviously life would never be dull in the BAU. And she had the feeling that this little bit of gossip might be just the thing she needed to finally get on Garcia's good side…

The End


End file.
